(March 21 - April 19)
(April 20 - May 20)
In an unfortunate turn of events, someone sitting across from you will have a peculiar variant of a bad hair day...a bad nosehair day.
(May 21 - June 20)
Today you will receive a gift horse. Unfortunately, it will have a really horrendous case of gingivitis.
(June 21 - July 22)
You are sad about an upcoming event, but can do nothing about it. Try knitting -- people say it's wonderfully relaxing.
(July 23 - August 22)
Beware the Ides of March. Also, if you have a friend named "Brutus", it might behoove you to be a trifle more selective...
(August 23 - September 22)
Try being entirely honest for a week. That's a fine way to develop a clear conscience. Personally, I prefer my method, though -- a poor memory.
(September 23 - October 22)
Someone will ask you for your advice. Don't give it! Or if they insist, simply shake your head solemnly, and mutter "Much bad juju", and refuse to clarify. They only want a scapegoat.
(October 23 - November 21)
Try to think of life as a game, today. For fun, make up new rules.
(November 22 - December 21)
Despite your best efforts, you will be unable to get your book published. But all you really need to do is change the title! "A Comparative Study of Invertibrate Parasites" is not likely to be published. But "A Bucket Full Of Leeches"? Now that's another story.
(December 22 - January 20)
It will turn out that someone you spend a great deal of time with is actually one of the last remaining Sinanthropus (Peking man), rather than an actual Cro-Magnon. This will explain things you'd been wondering about.
(January 21 - February 18)
You will invent a cool machine that will automatically make over 800 different varieties of coffee drinks. Unfortunately, everyone will go back to drinking just plain coffee.
(February 19 - March 20)
Something will start to bother you, and you will eventually have to ask someone to explain it. The thing is, some birds have very acute hearing - so WHERE ARE THEIR EARS??